I struggled with whether to post about this or not. Then Robin posted about it and Cissa posted about it and I thought and thought some more. The particulars in their situations may be a little different, but we’re in the same boat and it ain’t floating too well. I’m talking about the financial situation that so many of us are finding ourselves in lately.
I struggled with posting about it because I was afraid people would judge. You know, “Well why do you have this?” or “Why did you spend your money on that?” But, you know, we do what we think is best at the time. And it’s not like we’re getting public assistance (are you fucking kidding me we make “too much”) and then jetting off to Paris or something. (And, yes, I know someone like that, but I’m not judging. Well, maybe a little.)
I learned from the last several weeks that you don’t die when your satellite goes out and you don’t stop breathing if they shut your cell phones off. (Huge revelations for me, I know.) Those things were kind of liberating for me. We did have to figure out a way to get the cell phones back on for work reasons, but we still didn’t stop breathing when they turned off. It’s funny, when you don’t have satellite and you are down to just 5 or 6 channels, you find more time to do other things like read and go to the gym.
Our financial situation is actually what got us back to the gym–if we work out 12 times per month, we make $40 (our health insurance has a reimbursement program for gym memberships, so it’s not cash in hand, but still). Can’t beat that. Plus, with my high blood pressure, it was either start working out and make $40/month or add another medication at a copay of $13-$26/month. It’s pretty much a no-brainer. I’ve already been to the gym 13 times in the last 14 days. My resting heart rate has dropped about 12-15 beats per minute. (Of course, that’s just random, but it has been going in a downward trend.) I’ll let you know about my blood pressure.
Another reason I worried about posting about this is because I didn’t want to hurt Jason or embarrass him, but, it all comes down to what I am constantly telling him, we are not alone. A lot of people are dealing with similar struggles right now. Jason is certain it’s because of something he did, that he’s some sort of failure. I keep telling him he isn’t. Almost everyone I know is having some sort of struggle right now. It’s a sign of the times.
Jason has been working overtime and he is likely going to take over the job that his Dad was doing before he died (fixing up units for my MIL’s company that helps people who need housing) and he’s also applying for other jobs such as security guard, etc. I don’t want him to have to work more. I want him to be here for us, but it will make him feel better to be doing something. I have said I would get another job, too, but he doesn’t want me to. He thinks it will be too hard on me with my health issues. I have picked up extra shifts now and then and maybe I’ll do some of that, too.
It sucks. It’s frustrating. It’s not fun. Sometimes it’s very bleak and depressing. But here’s the part that makes it easier to swallow. We are not alone. We can help each other make it through this, even if it’s just through emotional support. And we will make it through this. When I was young and single and pregnant with Ashley, I kept telling everyone who would ask me, “What are you going to do?” (yes, in that tone), “It will all work out.” And it will. I just know it.