When I was Emily’s age, I didn’t go to college. Well, not a traditional college. I went to the college of Single Mom’s. Single Mom University. I didn’t live in a dorm in the usual sense. I lived in the 4-plex on Verndale Avenue. There were four of us and we all attended SMU. There was Missy, Sue, myself and another girl who didn’t really associate with us. There’s always one of them, isn’t there?
We didn’t really do the typical things that college kids do. You know, partying, staying up late studying, running around freely. We did things like leave our doors open so that the kids could travel from apartment to apartment, as did we. We’d put the kids to bed and then hang out in one of our apartments with baby monitors blaring and talk and smoke (yes, I smoked back then…) and watch movies. We’d watch each others kids when one of us had to run to the store or run an errand. It was fun. In it’s own way.
Part of my missing Emily is that I’m kind of jealous of the experiences she gets to have. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not jealous in the I’m-going-to-scratch-your-eyes-out sort of way, but in the way that I’d like to be there experiencing them with her. Or that I wish I had been able to experience those things myself.
I’ve never lived on my own. I lived with my parents until after Ashley was born. In fact, she was a year old before we moved out on our own. I wonder what I would have learned about myself, how I’d be different, if I’d had that opportunity.
It sounds like I’m being ungrateful for the life I have. I’m not. I wouldn’t give back what I have to experience those things or have different opportunities. I am the person that I am because of what I’ve lived through. I’m just having a little trip down Melancholy Avenue and What-might-have-been Lane. Still, I’ll take the degree I earned from SMU.
I feel like that now, and I am not that much older than your daughter.
I went to college and grad school, but I didn’t have the level of freedom that my friends had. I worked full time (sometimes one full time job, sometimes 2 part time jobs) and went to school the entire time. I never lived on my own (regardless of what she says, my mother made sure of that) and although I experienced a bunch of things, I never really “partied” the way I would have if I would have gone away to school. While I don’t regret my experiences, I can’t help but feel that I am a late bloomer when it comes to a lot of things….even at 31. I feel like my maturity level was a bit stunted because while I was acting like an “adult,” I wasn’t really allowed to evolve into being one because I missed those experiences.
I tell kids Emily’s age that they need to appreciate this time in their lives and get to know themselves. Do all the things they can do while they’re young enough to learn from them.
Nothing wrong in wondering, “What if?” every now and then!
I’d be surprised if you didn’t feel that way. We always wonder what might of been; it doesn’t mean we’re not good with what is.
I went to SMU, too, for 13 long years! I went through the phase of wondering what it would have been like to have just gone to SU (without the M part), but at my age, I think I\’m over the envy. Now I can\’t even imagine wanting to be part of the single crowd or be without the obligations (and joys) of family life, etc.
One the other hand, like you, I\’ve never lived entirely alone. I\’m very curious what it would be like and I think I would enjoy it more than most people, since I already know I enjoy solitude. Heaven forbid my marriage should end prematurely for any reason, but if it were to happen that way, I don\’t think I\’d get married again.
@Robin I will definitely pass that along to Emily.
@Sybil Law You’re right…as long as I don’t dwell on it.
@Finn–Perfect. I might hang that up where I can read it often.
@Annie Jones I should be careful what I say because, like you said, heaven forbid that my marriage end early…That would absolutely devastate me.
I understand, hon. I get the jealousy because I’ve felt it a couple of times myself regarding similar situations. It’s natural. Much love, hon!
Shelli- You got to marry the love of your life, that is worth a lot more than going to college. I hope your daughter enjoys SCSU.