Eulogized

I started this post back at the beginning of February. It isn’t because I don’t know what to write that I haven’t finished it. It’s because there’s so much to say that I don’t know where to end it. Or where to start a new post. Or if it should be a book or a project, maybe. Or if, as Finn suggested to me when I talked to her about it, it should become it’s own website.

I have this habit. It may be weird, or maybe it’s morbid or maybe it’s just appreciating what I have in the people in my life. My habit is this: When I am just letting my mind wander, I often (very often) tend to write eulogies in my head about the people in my life that I love. This started long before I lost my father-in-law in January. It probably started at least a couple years ago. I don’t know why or what precipitated it. Maybe my Mom was sick or in the hospital and I let my mind wander to her eulogy or something. I’m not sure. Whatever the case, it just happens. It’s not an obsession or a fixation, it’s just something that I do.

I have given 3 eulogies in my life. The first one was for my grandmother, Ebba. I was 24 years old and pregnant with Emily. I loved my grandma. We were close. She had her idiosyncrasies and she was a drug addict, which made her very difficult for some people to like. Even though I was witness to several of those drug addiction episodes, I loved her anyway. She was still my grandma. I was devastated that she wouldn’t be there to see my family grow by one more. I miss her still.

The second eulogy, I had the opportunity (and, yes, I consider it an “opportunity”) to read to the subject of the eulogy and that was my Dad. My Dad died knowing what would be said about him after he was gone. He died knowing that he was loved and would be missed. He died knowing that he would leave a legacy.

The last eulogy I gave (well, to be honest, mine was just a part in a larger eulogy that was given by all his kids and grandkids) was for my father-in-law. It was probably the hardest one for me because I realized that he did not die knowing how I felt about him. He did not know that I loved him and that I thought of him as a father. I never told him any of that. That bothers me. While I was writing it, I called my mother-in-law just to tell her that I love her. I have told her before, in so many words, but I wanted her to know it straight up.

Coincidentally, I read the book Have a Little Faith by Mitch Albom since I started this post. It is an excellent book and there are a lot of quotes from it that I could use in this project/book/website (whatever it turns out to be). If you don’t know the story, Mitch is asked by his childhood rabbi to give his eulogy when he dies. The book is about Mitch getting to know the rabbi as a person before he dies, while at the same time he is getting to know another man of religion, a former drug addicted criminal who is now an inner city Detroit pastor. Mitch says in the book, while the rabbi was in a coma, “I went home and waited for the phone call. I did not start on his eulogy. It felt wrong to do so while he was alive.” I understand that, I think, but isn’t also good to count all the blessings a person has and realize how they’ve made a difference in your life? Maybe this is the wrong way. Maybe this project/book/website should die with this post.

My idea was to write a book with eulogies for all the people in my life who have made a difference in my life or in the lives of others. I would intersperse the eulogies with other stuff–quotes, words about eulogies, etc.. Finn’s idea was that it would make a great website, sort of like PostSecret, where people could send in their eulogies for other people to be posted on the website. Maybe eventually, it could be made into a book, although I’m not sure how you would handle the legalities of that. I suppose you’d have to have people sign releases or something. Anyway, what do you think? How far should this go? Should it die with this post?