I know that some people don’t believe in ghosts. Let’s just say, for the sake of this argument, that all of us do. Humor me.
Allow me to quote you a passage from a book I was reading:
“You’ve already told me that the ones who come back, the ones who become ghosts, have pain left behind. If she’s so happy, Adam, why is she still here?”
“What I told you,” Adam gently corrected, “is that the ones who come back have an emotional connection to the world. Sometimes it’s pain, sometimes it’s anger…but Katie, sometimes it’s just love.”
My knees nearly buckled with the emotion I felt when I processed those words.
I think about ghosts, or angels, or presences a lot. Please don’t call the men in the white coats. Maybe I think about it a lot because I feel, not haunted, but, accompanied. I feel my Dad with me sometimes. I hear his voice when I am troubled and when I am humored. I hear it when I am not particularly thinking about him. I feel his weight on the edge of the bed, telling me good night. Sometimes. Sometimes, when there are absolutely no reasons why I should, I smell smoke. No one else is awake. I am not smoking a cigarette. The windows are closed. And I smell the smoke from a cigarette.
I have searched for logical, factual or medical reasons why this could be. In the Internet world, where it would seem you could find any single thing you are looking for, I could find NOTHING. I have tried brushing my teeth more, brushing my teeth when I smell it, drinking water and more. I still smell smoke.
I told my Dad before he died that it meant a lot to me that he was right with God. He and my Mom gave me my spirituality, but they weren’t always (as I’m not now) very demonstrative of their own spirituality. About 3 weeks after he died, I had a dream. In the dream, he said to me, “I’m here. I’m here and everything is okay.”
I guess my point is that, today when I read that little piece, it struck me that maybe my Dad is still here because I can’t let him go. What the hell right do I have to keep him from Heaven? (No pun and all that…) I’m not saying that I have to forget about him or stop reminiscing, but maybe I need to stop grieving.
As if it were a choice that I could consciously make. And if it is, I don’t know how. I suck at death.
Wow. I believe you.
They have medications for this now, you know.
SwanShadows last blog post..The $9 million Danish
It could be that he’s not ready to let go of you just yet. He wants to make sure you’re OK. I think once you get the last bits straightened out (you’ve come so far already), he’ll be able to say goodbye until you meet again.
Finns last blog post..Thursday Photo(s): Black and White
I agree with Finn – maybe he’s not ready until you are ready?
It could be you’re not holding him–could be he’s free enough in the afterlife to wander down as often as he thinks you need him.
Another thought–are you on a med that can make you smell things that aren’t there? One of the meds I was on (and am off now due to side effects) caused taste perversions so you could easily be on one (if you’re on any) that can cause smell perversion. Check the PDR about the meds you’re on and see.
PandoraWildes last blog post..How dumb can it get?
I don’t have the answers to why you feel he is there. However, maybe there is some unfinished business, maybe he has made it “his business” to stay real close to you at this time. I honestly don’t believe that it is harmful to believe in this, if anything is can be quite reassuring in times of need. I think it is a gift that you have this relationship with your Dad and that you have not shut off what it can offer you, whether it be love, problem solving, or just closure. There are certain things in life that don’t have answers in whatever expertise one looks, I actually believe it is those “things” in life we can’t find answers to, are the most important, especially in this case.
God Bless you and your relationship with your father.
I don’t laugh at that stuff. I smell roses sometimes…and I know exactly “who” it is. I find it comforting. I believe that once someone passes, YOU have no control over whether they linger or not. He HAS moved on. He is only checking in with you….saying hello….giving a ‘pat on the back’…a ‘hug’…that type of thing. (F)
metalmoms last blog post..What Did YOU Do?
Shelli… I feel a little ill at ease responding to this entry, yet, I also feel compelled to leave my thoughts. Because I, too, suck at death.
For what it’s worth… this is what I believe/think/feel/whatever…
I think that God knows our hearts and He knows what we can, and cannot, handle. Psalms 115:16 says, “precious in the sight of the Lord is the death of His saints.” The very first time I heard that scripture, it was almost two years after my brother’s death and it completely turned around my entire thought process about losing a loved one.
God looks at death in a completely different manner than how we, as humans, do. And yet, He created us so He knows that we are going to grieve. Unlike Him, we don’t look at it as one of our own going home… we only see and feel, the giant void that that person left in our lives. But because God loves us so much, He has made provision for our grief.
There are countless sciptures in the Bible that addresses this. “I will give you a peace that surpasseth all understanding.” “I will stick closer than a brother to the brokenhearted.” And so on…
My Mom and my sister BOTH smell my brother’s unique smell at various times. We don’t even have to be talking about him at the time and all of a sudden, they’ll get a whiff. Sometimes it lingers, sometimes it’s just a passing scent.
I, myself, have never smelled him. But, I do get extremely vivid, real, dreams with him in it. It’s like… God knows that I’m strong enough to handle seeing him in my dreams and He knows that we didn’t get a lot of time together without anger and bitterness between us, so every so often He lets Matt visit me in my dreams.
My grandma just lost her husband, my papa, in January of this year. She feels the bed dent in and senses his presence, like he just sat down on their bed with her in the middle of the night.
My Mom gets jealous that I have such vivid dreams of my brother where we have actual conversations and I remember them the next day. Which is extremely rare for me. Every so often, she’ll have a dream as well but they are nothing like mine. I think God knows that she wouldn’t be able to handle that and it would leave her aching and wanting more… to the point she would start seeking it out and get herself into trouble.
The Bible also clearly states, “to be absent from the body is to be present with Christ.” It also says that we are “surrounded by a great cloud of witnesses.”
So my take on it?
God knows what we can, and cannot, handle. He knows when we need it and how much. I don’t think that your Dad is still here because you’re holding onto him. I think that God just knows how much you miss him and so every so often, He pulls back the veil that separates Heaven from Earth and gives you the gift of a little piece of him. To remind you that you’re not alone — He will always be with you. You carry him in your heart, where he belongs and you’ll see him again. His memory lives on in your heart, always. And sometimes, we just need a little more than that.
God loves you. He loves me. He loves all of His children. So while He may be rejoicing that one of His children have come home, He also understands our pain and He will help us through it.
Sometimes, by a message… a song… a smell… whatever.
You are being given a gift, straight from the throne of God, every time you smell your daddy. Take it for what it is and don’t beat yourself up about grieving for your father. There’s no handbook that tells us how to deal with the loss of a parent or a sibling or someone that you’re very, very, close to. But there’s also not a timer attached.
Every day that you get up out of bed. Every time you smile. Every bit of happiness that you wring from this life of yours, you are honoring your father. And every tear that you cry? God is holding in the palm of His hand and crying with you.
Eventually, the good moments will become more frequent and the painful moments will fade. They will never be completely gone… you never know when that dull ache of missing him will erupt into full-fledged grief, like a timebomb waiting to happen. But you get through it. One step, one day… at a time.
But… those are just my thoughts… my feelings and beliefs.
Like I said… take it for what it’s worth…
*HUGS*
Pingback: The Entry I Never Thought I’d Be Able to Write… « The Life of An Everyday Princess
Shelli,
I too smell smoke at night. And, I believe it’s my Dad. He’s been gone for 39 years. I did not smell smoke that I can recall until about 4 years ago. During this time I’ve become a cancer survivor and now my step Dad has had cancer as well. Just this past week after spending day at the hospital, I had on 3 occasions during the same night smelled cirgarette smoke right next to me. I think my Dad is saying I’m here for you. It can be a little un-nerving, but I don’t think any harm is meant there. Just love, crazy as this seems to some.
I’ve been told to try to talk to him. You might want to try the same.
Bev
Bev–I do talk to him all the time. Sometimes I even think I hear him. Thank you for your comment.