My son may have become a teenager earlier this month, but over the last several days, he has become a young man. While I am so proud of him, I wish that he didn’t have to experience what he is going through that has caused him to go from boy to young adult. I am making it all sound like it is all about him and that is not my intent at all. I think you will understand when I explain.
Sam has several good friends. There are actually six of them, including Sam, that are really close and hang out together a lot and they have since they were young. E is one of them. E’s sister died late Saturday night, early Sunday morning.
This is what was in the Startribune:
The woman whose body was found in Anoka County after being struck by a train has been identified as Katelyn M. Horton, 20, of Andover.
Her body was found about 9:30 a.m. Sunday about 150 feet south of where the Burlington Northern tracks cross Andover Boulevard.
The Anoka County medical examiner’s office ruled her death a suicide.
Horton went through a long struggle with eating disorders, a paid death notice in Tuesday’s Star Tribune said.
PAUL WALSH
You can read the actual article here. (I quoted it because you have to register to read it. It’s free to register so you are welcome to go read it if you like after you register.) Sam has talked about E’s sister with me before. He has asked me about her illness and has said how sad it is that she was going through that. It is definitely a tragedy. Her family is devastated, as I am sure you would expect. Sam said to me upon hearing about it, “Mom, she was a good person.” And he wants to be there for the family as much as he can.
Sam has always been very spiritual. Since he was a little boy, he has had an extraordinary curiosity about religion. In the last year or so, while I have been dealing with this depression and headaches (I’m not trying to make excuses), I have not been the kind of parent that I should be in the spirituality department. E’s mother has stepped up and has been a great example of Christianity to Sam and the other boys. Sam goes to youth night at their church every Wednesday night. They are a good family and one of several places that Sam feels at home when he is there.
Tuesday, Sam called E and went over to his house. There have been many people coming in and out of E’s house over the last several days. E’s Mom hugged Sam and introduced him to the family and friends as someone whom E was very close to and who has always been a good friend. She cried and told Sam that she loved him and appreciated him. Yesterday, we went to the funeral and she hugged him again and was just so forth coming with words of praise for my son. I wanted to say, “I want to hear about your child. I want to hear all the beautiful things about her,” but I let her talk. I was so proud of the way my son comforted this woman. It brought tears to my eyes. Some of the other boys were there, too, and they are all such good boys. Boys who are growing into men. Far too fast. I am so proud of, and cherish, them all.
I don’t want to say much about Katelyn’s illness and death. Mostly because I don’t want to focus on those things about her. I never knew Katelyn, but I believe my son when he says that she was a good person. Her brother has said that she was so loved. I hope that people will focus on how she lived and not how she died. She was a very gifted artist. I mean very. She had a full ride scholarship to an art college in Milwaukee. I wish I could share some of her art work that I saw today with you. Some of it brought tears to my eyes. Her portraitures were more than amazing. I told Katelyn’s mother that someday, when she is up to it, I hope that she will tell me about Katelyn. She must have been so special because it was obvious that she touched so many lives, changed so many lives, including Sam’s.
I think it’s amazing, when you see kids growing up, how mature they really do become — even before we’re really ready for it… how relieved our parents must have been when we became adults, and had somehow developed all of that just in time to face the real world.
Uisce’s last blog post..Crash!
I’m so proud of Sam as well… see what you did? You brought a wonderful, loving, caring young man into the world. And you helped make him what he is.
I’m sorry he has to go through this. I think it’s much worse at his age than when you’re older.
Finn’s last blog post..Thursday Photo: I Am? Loving
That is so sad about that girl. You did the right thing telling the Mom you wanted to hear about her later.
It’s sad that Sam and his friends have to go through this at such a young age.
Lynda’s last blog post..Buttcones
Amazing what you did there, asking to hear about Katelyn. She needs someone who will really listen and let her talk and cry and talk.
Special K’s last blog post..Don’t ask, just clicky
You must be very proud of him, Shelli, but you should also be proud of yourself. You and Jason are doing a great job at raising him into a loving, caring and responsible young man. Chapeau!
CanadianSwiss’s last blog post..Do you think you know me?
No wonder you’re proud of that boy. He obviously has a very special kind of heart, to have what it takes to offer comfort to a grieving mother, especially when he’s a thirteen-year-old kid. Thirteen-year-old boys are known for their grunting, not for their comforting. He learned from his Mom and Dad, I’m sure. Congratulations to both of you on raising such a good man.
I’m so very sorry to hear this – how tragic. Yes, you & Jason should be very proud of the job you’ve done; Sam sounds like a wonderful young man.
Tug’s last blog post..Your chance to criticize!
How sad for Katelyn’s family and friends. It makes me sad to hear of young people gone far too soon, even when I didn’t know them.
Do you ever get the sense that Sam is ‘an old soul’? From some of the things you’ve written about him here, it kind of seems to fit.
I’m glad that E has such a good friend as Sam to help him through this awful time.
There is never a good time to learn about the “facts of life and death”. Sam seems to be handling it with a good deal of grace for a 13 year old. Did you ever hear that “It takes a village” to raise a child? Don’t beat yourself up for not being there when you were dealing with your own stuff. Sam was getting those lessons from someone equally capable. When E needs a ‘Mom’ (when his Mom has a ‘depressing’day) you will step in for him. It’s what we do and it seems you’ve go one hell of a kid there!
metalmom’s last blog post..I Love You Guys!
That is such a tragedy!
oh wow…. it’s so sad for a parent to have to bury their child. Sam is an amazing young man.
Shelli, you and your husband really have done a terrific job of raising your son. You should be very proud of him. Tell Sam that we really appreciate him being such a good friend to E. I am one of E’s and Katelyn’s aunts, and know how seldom a young man with Sam’s qualities comes along. My husband and I had the chance to meet Sam while we were at E’s house to see our family and attend the funeral. We appreciate you being such a good mother, evidenced by raising such a fine young man. May God bless you and your family.
Shelli,
We have never met. I am Katelyn’s aunt. I met Sam and Sam met me. My son, TF(E’s cousin), spent many hours with your son. Doing stuff which felt normal in abnormal circumstance. Strange…you and I are strangers, yet we have become tethered together in a storm. I, too, felt my young son step into the room of adulthood. I wish I could keep him somewhere innocent from pain. But, sadly, he was familiar with the flavor of tragedy. Just 2 years ago, his little brother died. T doesn’t talk about it, much. But, when I saw him with E., I knew he was familiar with what E needed. Moments to mourn his sister’s death (the man) and then moments to giggle in front of a fast moving playstation game (the child). You should be proud of Sam. I enjoyed Sam’s presence. He did not disappear when his friend needed him. Sam is a good person, too.
True, Katelyn was …WOW! talented. I mean really talented. I’d like to encourage you to ask Katie’s parent’s about Katie someday. Go ahead and say…”Tell me about your beautiful Katie”. Our whole family has an endless list of just how “good” Katie was. Allowing my brother and my sister-in-law to tell their “Katie Story” will offer great healing to their tremendous grief. So, please ask. After all, she’s still their Katie and talking about her keeps her close.
You are so correct when you mentioned Katie’s Mom example of Christianity. I agree. And so evident at Katie’s funderal. We are a fortunate family of great faith. My Mom (grandma who spoke at the funeral) has taught us to lean on the truths of scripture. And Scripture is clear where Katie is today. Katie’s other grandparents, parents and extented family are all united in the confident knowledge of Katie’s current freedom from her disease.
Yes, Katie is a good person. And today she is very good. I mean VERY good!
Hallelujah!
I always hate to hear about the death of young people, but God can use even these circumstances to bring glory to him. It seems that God is using this as a way to bring out great compassion in your son.
I was in treatment with Katelyn. I read your post tonight after discussing an upcoming candlelight vigil at our treatment facility with a friend. I have pictures of her art if you would like, and although I dont know as much as her mother, i would be glad to attest to her greatness.
Katelyn was the reason I stayed in treatment. I literally owe her my life. I am in full recovery now, partially because of her. She is wonderful, and I think about her every day.
I love her.
Shelli,
i’ve never properly introduced myself to you, or even really spoken to you. I am katelyn’s sister. I just wanted you to know how much what you wrote moved me, how much your son moves me. Sam comes over after school, for sleep overs, and hangs out with E a good portion of the time. Although most of their “heart to hearts” are done while in the midst of video gaming Sam truly has changed E’s life. I feel like my brother would not be able to make it through day to day living without people like Sam around. Sam has always been nothing but kind and loving toward E and our entire family. I almost feel like he is my additional little brother. Watching E go through so much trauma at such an early age crushes me, and yet seeing him fight through it with friends like Sam by his side makes me the most proud of all. I am so glad that Sam goes to youth group with E, i have watched them grow closer to christ through each others friendship. My Mom and Dad absolutely adore Sam as well and we couldn’t feel more blessed to have him in our lives.