Yesterday we went to the very last service at my inlaws’ church. They have been a part of that church for 35 years. I don’t mean that they have just attended the services every Sunday. They were very involved. My mother-in-law was the director of the preschool. She was the pianist for the choir. My sister-in-law was the director of the choir. They were on the church council. Every year, they helped to plan a weekend family retreat that my children and my nieces and nephew would attend. That church was a big part of their lives. A huge part of their lives.

My MIL and FIL irritate me sometimes. I think that is normal. But they are good people. I don’t know what I would have done without my MIL when my Dad was sick and after he died. My Mom had her own grief to deal with and, being the oldest, I didn’t feel like there was anyone for me to turn to with my grief and my MIL was there for me in ways I could never have dreamed of prior to that time.

It was a very sad service. It’s hard to celebrate the birth of Christ when you are mourning a loss like that. I don’t believe that I have ever seen my MIL cry. Not even at some funerals that we have attended over the years together. She was very sad. Seeing her cry like that made me so sad. I wanted to comfort her as she had comforted me when I needed it. What do you say when someone loses something that has been so important to them for so long? I’m sorry?

I don’t know what they are going to do now. I don’t know how they will find a new church. I mean, when you lose a loved one, you don’t go out and replace them the next week. I think that you are kind of expected to with a church and I can’t imagine that happening. Their church wasn’t small, but it wasn’t large either and it was intimate. By that I mean that almost everyone knew everyone else. I know they won’t find a church that will ever be the same. I hope they can find one that is comfortable at least. One that they can “belong” to. My heart is heavy for them today and I am sure it will be in the weeks to come.

(I’ll be back with more acidity tomorrow. This is just what is on my mind today.)

Oh, and Happy New Year! Be safe tonight.

I had a nice little break from the Internet over Christmas, while my laptop was being fixed. I’ll admit it, it was hard for me. There were times when I found myself pacing because I didn’t know what to do with myself. Other times, I was getting ready to go to bed before 8:30. I am NOT kidding. Yes, I did some cross stitching. Yes, I did some reading. And, of course, there was lots of shopping and wrapping to keep me busy. But, somehow, I was still bored. The 2 hardest nights were Wednesday and Thursday night after work. Usually after work, I decompress by playing games on my laptop while watching TV. With no laptop and nothing but bullshit on TV, I felt completely lost. I know, it’s sick. I don’t care. I don’t believe it is hurting anyone. If I am wrong, shoot me.

Now that I am back and the new year is going to be starting soon, things are going to be different around here. I have realized in the last week or so that life is to damn short to not say how you feel about shit. Sometimes that requires a swear word or two or ten. If you don’t like the words fuck or shit or bitch or maybe some even stronger words, like cunt or whore or fucktards or asswipes or fucktardasswipes, you probably shouldn’t read here anymore. Sorry Mom and Emily if it bothers or embarrasses you. But this is a side of me that no one ever gets to see here. I gotta see if I can shed some doubt on that award that I won some time ago. Sweetheart of the Blogosphere. Heh. If they only really knew me. (Okay, okay, I am sweet and caring, but I have an edgier side, too. No, really, I do! Please believe me.)

That being said, I probably still won’t write about some of my family things here because some people think that their lives are meant to be kept private. What ev. Wait until my first novel is published. When Oprah interviews me when she features my book in her book club, I’ll say, “Of course it’s fictional! What do you mean by that?” *wink, wink, nudge, nudge* That will be a refreshing change for her, completely opposite of that freak, James Frey.

So, yeah, my laptop is fixed, I’m back and I am one sweet fucking bitch! Happy New Year!

Some cute things Isabelle said:

Jason’s sister did a solo in church on Christmas Eve. While she was up there, I turned around and asked Isabelle who that was up there and she said, “Auntie S. She has a beautiful voice just like me!”

Later, when Santa came, her and her cousin A were sitting on Santa’s lap and Isabelle turned to A and excitedly said, “A, this might be the best days of our lives!” It was the sweetest thing.

Even after Santa gave her presents that were for her, she set them down so that she could continue to help hand out the rest.

I had a few presents compared to Isabelle’s huge pile and she volunteered to share hers with me.

She had a magic wand and she was turning us all into animals. When she got to Jason, she told him that he was a frog. He oinked loudly and she said, “Okay, you can be a frog that oinks.”

Jason’s sister offered to get Isabelle a plate of food and Isabelle said that her tummy said that it wasn’t hungry and that she always listened to her tummy. My sister-in-law said it was a good thing to listen to your tummy. Isabelle said, “The problem is that other people don’t always listen to my tummy.” (Now isn’t this the truest thing? We are always making kids eat when they say they aren’t hungry. Maybe if we just offer them healthy choices when they say they are hungry, there wouldn’t be this obesity problem in America. I mean how many times did you hear “Eat your vegetables, there are starving kids…”? Right?)

For your viewing pleasure:

It’s Christmas Eve. I’m missing my laptop. I wonder how it is spending it’s holiday. Probably being dissected. Or worse, sitting there all alone while all the techies are off having their Christmases. I’m not saying that they don’t deserve it, but I feel sad for Mercury sitting there all alone.

There is plenty to do. Last minute wrapping to be done and sorting everything out into groups of what goes where and what stays here and then loading up the truck to go to Jason’s parents. It will be fun once we are there because Isabelle will be there and Santa will come and that is totally awesome funness watching the little ones with Santa. Church is at 4 and we won’t get home until probably 10 or 11 tonight. Then we have to get Isabelle to bed and set up all the stuff for Santa. We are way ahead for wrapping shit this year, so we won’t be up all night wrapping gifts. Still, we probably won’t get to bed until 2 or 3 in the morning.

Oh my God! I just realized that if I take any pictures tonight or tomorrow, where am I going to upload them to? I always put all my pictures on the laptop. I don’t want them on the main computer because then the will be harder to access. I’ll just have to leave them on my camera until after I get Mercury back. :-<

Merry Christmas to those of you who are still here. I plan to enjoy the holiday with my family. It’s a good time to focus on them.

It’s not so bad. I’m doing okay. I did a lot of shopping today. And there’s wrapping and more shopping and more wrapping. There are homemade gifts that I have Jason’s going to make and I will have to deliver to the 3 neighbors that we really like and do a lot of stuff with. (Jason makes some kick ass kettle korn, and we are going to package it in some Tupperware type containers.)

After all the shopping I did, I was exhausted. I wanted to do nothing else besides veg out in front of the TV when we were done with the shopping. Usually this is when I like to be on Mercury. :-<

Recently, I made a promise to my family that, before Christmas next year, I will finally finish the cross stitched Christmas stockings that I started back when Emily was in 3rd grade. She's in 10th now. Yeah. I have hers, mine and Jason's done. So, I am working on Ashley's while I am watching TV. Idle hands are the devils play, you know. I can never just sit and watch TV. I have to be doing something.

It’s all good. I’ll be okay.