I lost 3 pounds this week. I mean, I LOST 3 POUNDS THIS WEEK! That’s how excited I was. Woo hoo. However, I don’t know what the hell was different. I didn’t track this week. I didn’t do anything extra in the way of exercise. I didn’t drink any less or more fluids than I have in the previous eleventy billion weeks of my life. The only thing I can think of is that my heart feels like it is pounding out of my chest a lot of the time. Maybe that is burning more calories. I’m not sure. I’ve had my blood pressure and pulse checked (I’m on meds for both) and they are fine. I saw my rheumatologist and she says everything looks good, including my blood work. She says that I need to get my eyes checked and a dexa scan for a baseline but, other than that, I’m good until next year. Anyway, I lost 3 pounds last week! Woot woot! Then, when I got home, I was carrying a basket of clothes down to the laundry room and the yoga pants that I was wearing, literally fell down! I can’t wear them anymore. They are officially too big.
Sam’s life continues to be in turmoil. I don’t know what else to say about that. If you are praying, please pray for him. If not, please keep him in your thoughts. Throw us in there with him if you don’t mind. We are making it one day at a time, but it can be difficult sometimes. I’ll try to remember the quote below when it gets really tough.
“It’s dark because you are trying too hard. Lightly child, lightly. Learn to do everything lightly. Yes, feel lightly even though you’re feeling deeply. Just lightly let things happen and lightly cope with them. I was so preposterously serious in those days…Lightly, lightly—it’s the best advice ever given me. So throw away your baggage and go forward. There are quicksands all about you, sucking at your feet, trying to suck you down into fear and self-pity and despair. That’s why you must walk so lightly. Lightly, my darling.”
— Aldous Huxley (via sol-psych)
Reading those last couple of posts, one might think that I am terribly depressed and walking around with a frown and crying all the time. I want people to know some things about me.
- I am generally happy.
- Speaking about myself and my mental health, this is the best I have ever felt. Probably in my whole life.
- I laugh. A lot.
- I am busy doing lots of stuff. (I know that’s really technical.)
- I like doing lots of stuff.
- I relax.
- I sleep.
- I love.
- I am happy.
So, in spite of all the stuff going on with Sam, I’m OK.
Also, I lost weight these last 2 weeks.
AND, I finished another book.
I like Bella Andre’s Sullivan Series, so I will continue on. I just started #4 in the series, I Only Have Eyes For You.
For some reason, my review won’t load, but I’m going to leave it like that in the event that it gets straightened out.
I didn’t go to Weight Watchers this week. I didn’t feel like it. I know that’s probably when I need to go the most, but, well, um…There is really not a good excuse I can give you. I weighed myself on my home scale and I gained less than a pound. I know that isn’t official, but for now it will have to do. My plan is to get back on track tomorrow and not let other people’s choices affect my goals of losing weight and getting healthier. I will do that by tracking and trying to get in more exercise.
I’m getting my bearings. Sam and his life are ever changing and I can’t keep up with what is going on; mostly because he doesn’t tell me much. It’s stressful, but I’m trying not to let it affect my happiness. GF (his girlfriend/ex-girlfriend) is here sometimes and not other times. I don’t know if that means they are together when she’s here or not. It may just mean she’s kicked out of her house and she has nowhere else to go. She cries a lot, which could be because she’s in the early stages of pregnancy or because they are fighting. Who knows. I’m trying to just let it all go and trust that God knows what He’s doing and life will straighten itself out.
I’ve been reading quite a bit. I think I said before, but I’ve kind of been addicted to the romance/erotic romance/young adult genre. It’s a good distraction/escape from my life stressors. To that end, I’m going to post reviews on here when I’ve finished a book. I’m posting my reviews on Goodreads.com, so I’ll just be embedding that review here. If you don’t already belong to Goodreads and you like to read, I suggest you join. It’s a good way to find new books. You can join groups that have similar interests to you. You can rate books you’ve read and Goodreads will make suggestions based on your ratings. If you already belong or you join, add me as a friend.
I loved this book. There were times when I wished I were reading it in a room all by myself because I’m sure I looked like an idiot sitting there with a goofy looking grin on my face. The laughing out loud randomly didn’t do anything to convince people that I am, in fact, not crazy, either. It is a great accomplishment to get me to laugh out loud while reading a book. I may think it is funny, but don’t necessarily laugh out loud. Then the book actually had some awesome sexy smut in it.
I’m looking forward to reading the next in the series!
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I’ve got a busy week of work, teaching, doctors’ appointments, meetings and trying to help Sam find a therapist, if he’ll let me.
I know I’m late with this. It’s been rough. I actually didn’t know what or how much to say. I wonder often when my life is going to stop being one stressful thing after another. I guess everyone has their own share of stress, but sometimes I just think that I can’t take it anymore.
First, I’ll just start by saying that I didn’t lose last week. I, in fact, gained a pound. I know it’s my fault for not tracking last week. I just was too exhausted and couldn’t focus on anything when I was awake. I know I’m losing by the way my rings and my clothes fit. Hell, yesterday I was able to take my jeans off without even unzipping or unbuttoning them. Still, I know I can’t slide back into the ignoring the tracking and I really need to get on the exercise bandwagon. I know it would help with my stress level, too.
So…in addition to all the things Sam already is dealing with (and consequently we are dealing with), we found out last week that his girlfriend is pregnant. Well, ex-girlfriend. No, he didn’t break up with her when he found out she was pregnant or because she was pregnant. He was planning on breaking up with her and, unfortunately, she told him she was pregnant first. I knew that the break-up was coming, so I know that’s really the truth. Anyway, she’s 17, he just turned 18 yesterday. Neither one of them are ready for, or capable at this point, of taking care of a baby. Regardless of what happens between the two of them, Sam (and we) will be there for that baby. There is no way in hell he would turn his back on his kid. He loves children and would die before he would not be involved with his child. It’s just not a great time. It’s going to be tough. I don’t even know what I want to happen. I just pray that God knows what’s best. She’s very newly pregnant and she has had a miscarriage before, so this pregnancy may not end with a baby being born.
I couldn’t really say anything without first letting all the family know and I am pretty sure that they all do now. I don’t really know what to do or how to feel. I know that if a baby is born, I will love it because it will be my grandchild. I just can’t think that far and I have far too many worries for this unborn child.
I guess all I can do is take care of myself and let it all play out the way it’s supposed to play out. Thoughts and prayers are always welcome.